Bhai Sahab , EK BETA kar lo ab aap (Go for a son). Your family will then become complete & perfect” My Friend advised.
I was surprised to hear this. I asked him… why ?
“I have a beautiful daughter. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT MY FAMILY IS IMPERFECT NOW?”
I could sense anger in my own words. So This is what I said.
“Imagine that in one night ,you dreamt that you went to heaven where you met god. He took your hand and placed a little angel in your palm. When you woke up from your dream ,you saw the same little angel in it.
My Daughter was born in year 2012, When I was holding her for First Time, I was speechless .I thanked God as I watched her look like a little as a mouse I looked into her twinkling round beautiful eyes in which I could see Heaven. I was touched by divinity. I was blessed with a daughter. That very moment, My Family was Complete.
Listening to this, The guy appreciated me but added in end, “Acha hai beti hai. Per ek ladka to hona he chahiye parivar main (at least one boy has to be there in family”.
I was set aback by his response
I asked “and How many according to you girls should be there in my family?”
He Could sense my Ire now and he did not answer. He shouldn’t have to impose his shady opinion on me any more.
I continued with my exhortation, “So a boy is a mandate and girl is not. Your thinking is not an isolated one and there are Millions who think the same way.
Why is it that when the first child is a boy, everyone is relieved; however, if it is a girl, the couple is repeatedly advised that they should go for a second baby and if it’s happening to be a son, their family would be complete. TWO DAUGHTERS CAN’T DO THAT?
Some families/couples are so much obsessed with this that they have multiple abortions till they get that one boy. WHY?”
The guy replied with something I expected, “See, there are reasons for desiring a son. Your lines were superb but in world , things are different. We need to be practical, not poetic. Please explain: Ladka nahi hoga to apka vansh kaise aage chalega? Apka acha naam hai. Apke naam ko kaun aage le jayega (If a son is not there, WHO IS GOING TO TAKE YOUR NAME FORWARD?)”
I counter questioned, “what is the complete name of your great great grandfather?”
There was a ghastly silence. He did not answer (because he did not know or did not remember).
I spoke, “Despite having sons, his name is lost today. Please understand that children don’t take our name forward the way you assume, nor they have any need to. The only names remembered in this world today, are names of those, who stood for a noble cause, made great sacrifices and never compromised on their value system. They enriched the planet by their magnificent contributions . Jesus Christ, Mother Teresa, Swami Vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi, Sardar Bhagat Singh, Subhash Chandra Bose, Rabindranath Tagore to name a few. These names are getting to live forever despite the very fact that the majority of them didn’t have even one child to hold their name forward. If you want your name to be remembered and revered, then become a man of some value. Dedicate to some noble cause and live a lifetime of purpose.”
Guy replied, “but you can’t ignore the very fact that daughters would be married off and can go away to another family another family. Boys stick with you, once they do something great, they carry honor to your family. Boys also become a support in your old age. Budhape ka sahara hote hain ladke. You might have heard this and I don’t think that you can ignore it. Also, if there will be no boy, apke adhoore sapne kaun poore karega bhai sahab? (who will realize your unfulfilled dreams)?”.
I answered, “Mere sapne main khud poore karunga (I will fulfill my dreams myself) and just in case i’m unable to, definitly will not burden my child with the load of my unfulfilled dreams. I will help her achieve her own dreams. It will be nonsensical on my part to push my child into becoming a doctor and work in hospital when she wants to be a fighter pilot and fly the sky with supersonic speeds. It is a crime to crush ambition. We must protect dreams and nurture talents. That is our biggest responsibility as a parent.
Girls don’t go to some other family, they get married and start their own. So do boys. No one goes anywhere. Your child is truly yours and will stay yours for life. You also talked earlier about vansh kaise chalega. Let me tell you that in reality, vansh ladkiyon se chalta hai. Their contribution is unquestionable. It is a woman in whose womb, life begins. She brings alive the next generation. It is a woman who goes through a near death experience during child birth (no man dies of child birth) and she calls that near death experience as the most beautiful experience of her life, she becomes a mother. If it was not for her pain, sacrifices & strengths, this world would have collapsed a long time back.
You also questioned ability of women to do something great and bring honor to family. I hope you’re aware (or you acknowledge) what our daughters have accomplished. Did they not become Ms. World and Ms. Universe? Did they not win in athletics, tennis, badminton and boxing tournaments throughout the world? Did they not climb Everest and one Indian girl did it without legs? Did they not reach the highest most position within the corporate world? Did they not enter space and have museums and institutes made their name? Did they not become most respected police and administrative officers and have their documentaries being aired on international channels? Did they not win in Olympics?
Let’s check out the newest grand achievement of Indian daughters: Olympics 2016, 2 prestigious medals of India and both of them bagged by our daughters. If it might not are for our girls, we might have returned empty handed from Olympics and you think that that a boy is a must to satisfy our dreams? may be a DAUGHTER NOT ENOUGH?”
In a nation where girls are outnumbered, killed within the womb, thrown in bins, not allowed to review or get into a profession of their choice, their face burnt with acids, many raped for lust and killed for dowry, they still gather the courage to return forward, to fight, to rise and to realize the unthinkable. Imagine what our girls are able to do if they’re protected, respected, pampered and their talents nurtured. Despite having all resources, this country isn’t developed because our girls are looked down upon. The day we start respecting our girls, we’ll be super power.
Now, coming to bhudape ka sahara (old age support). Is your retirement and adulthood planning, the responsibility of your child? it’s your onus. Don’t expect it from OR blame it on, your children. Your job is to mention your kids well then set them free. allow them to enter this world to navigate their own path of gutsy explorations and mind-blowing achievements. they will never discover what their life was meant to be, if you hold them captive within your home boundaries. Even in Animalia , parents teach their offspring to the simplest of their ability and set them free, forever; Not selfishness but Genuine Love forms the idea of Real Parenting. It only knows the way to give and expects nothing reciprocally . A daughter or a son, it discriminates none. True love doesn’t invite physical presence or demands adulthood care. It only wishes for child’s well-being and keeps on sending prayers.”
This guy was quiet now but still disagreeable in his demeanor. i was watching him and trying to know why he’s still holding on thereto mindset (boy should be there). i assumed for a short time and spoke, “I believe it’s fear and insecurity due to which you crave for a boy and to possess him accept you and appearance after you in your adulthood .”
Guy asks, “What does one mean?”
I explained, “Look at you, you’re age 33, but you look 50. You drink and smoke. You overeat (most dangerous) then lead a sedentary lifestyle. I even have never seen you exercising or eating correct foods. In fact, health is your last priority and fitness is not any priority in the least . You desire a son because at some point once you will fall sick and obtain diseased thanks to this future body abuse, you’ll become a tragic and expensive liability on your child. Isn’t it shameful to become that BY CHOICE? is that this an example you set ahead of your children on how one must live life?
There are people during this world who try to become a blessing (not a curse) to their children. They lookout of their health and check out to remain fit. They respect nutrition. They exercise. They stand back from drink/smoke and also tell their friends/family to try to to an equivalent . They but their adulthood . They plan for medical emergencies in later years of life. they’re strictly against burdening anyone. they need to measure honorably and leave honorably. These are people that live up to 100 years and even once they are 80, you’ll see them bench press or run a marathon with their grandchildren. They don’t become liability on anyone. They inspire. They set a real example of what this life is and the way it should be lived.”
The guy cut my talk within the middle and said, “I accept as true with your points but I afflict your point about why i would like a son. I actually need a son and need him (and his family) to remain with me in my adulthood because I don’t want to be alone in my adulthood . After I retire, i might be reception as world wouldn’t need me or my services anymore. If my son and his family would be there, i will be able to get companionship. i will be able to be happy to ascertain grandchildren in my house and twiddling with them will bring me joy. GHAR MAIN RONAK HOGI. I don’t want to die of adulthood in my bed, all alone, with nobody to perform my last rites.”
I replied, “Insecurities don’t breed companionship. Love, Duty and Devotion, does. you reside your life and let your grown up children live their own. Ghar main bachon ko qaid kyun karna hai apko? Aap khud bahar jao aur duniya main ronak lao.
You can work (if you select to) till the previous day of your life. With 40-60 years of learning and skill development, what is the point in sitting at home and wasting those assets? Please Don’t. Go out and work. No one can and no one will stop you. Rather, you will be admired and respected. You can make more contribution at age 60 than what you could make when you were a novice at age 20. Enrich the world with your learning and experience.
Do you know Sir Amitabh Bachchan? Do you know our PM, Sir Narendra Modi? They have crossed 65 but the spirit with which these people work and type of performance they deliver, puts most kids to shame. Every day, they are getting better at their work and their contribution today, is much more significant and powerful than what it was 30 years back. You can truly prefer to work till you drop. Then you can happily say that you really enjoyed every single second of being alive and made the most of this opportunity called ‘Life’.”
After this I went quiet . There was utter silence. The guy spoke after sometime, “Thank you for this talk. I needed it. What I said was very wrong. Forgive me.
I dedicate this text to each single daughter of this country . You daughters are greatest gift of God to us and that we are truly blessed to possess you in our lives. You complete our world. Forgive us for respecting you any less than what you deserve and may we do justice to our role as parents, guardians and humans. Amen!”
Love and Regards to you all!